I’ve long thought that if I could just change myself, I’d be happier. If I was just thinner, if I was just prettier – smarter – more outgoing, I’d be pretty rocking. Twice in the last month and a bit, in books by two different authors (though right at this moment I can’t recall the first one), I’ve read that you can’t change who you are at the core. You can only change how you act.
I keep running that through my head. Isn’t changing how you act, changing how you are, though? Or are you just hiding who you are inside? Do you think that true complete change is possible? Because I don’t know. I know that thoughts jump into my head and I haven’t the faintest idea of how to make them go away once they’re there. I think judgmental thoughts about people I’ve just met. I am not a very nice person inside. A lot of my kindness is merely tolerance masked. Can I actually change that? Could I alter my very thoughts before I’ve thought them?
Can you strip the leopard of his spots? Morph them into stripes instead? Or is a leopard always spotted, no matter how hard she tries not to be?
I think a lot of what you’re feeling has to do with how you’re feeling at the moment. I know you, I know you are a genuinely good person. I know that you’re giving, and understanding, and loving, and just a good person. You’re one of the best, most kind hearted people I know.
I honestly believe that we project onto others how we feel about ourselves. If you’re not happy with you, how can you be happy with anybody else? The judgements that we pass on others (when unwarranted) are usually the things we are judging about ourselves.
So do I think you can change who you are at the core? No. But you don’t need to. Can we change the way we view the world and all the people in it (including ourselves)? Yes.
Also? This inspired me to write… thank you. I ❤ you. A lot.