Comes With Sprinkles

Because everything is better with sprinkles

A Leopard And His Spots

I’ve long thought that if I could just change myself, I’d be happier. If I was just thinner, if I was just prettier – smarter – more outgoing, I’d be pretty rocking. Twice in the last month and a bit, in books by two different authors (though right at this moment I can’t recall the first one), I’ve read that you can’t change who you are at the core. You can only change how you act.

I keep running that through my head. Isn’t changing how you act, changing how you are, though? Or are you just hiding who you are inside? Do you think that true complete change is possible? Because I don’t know. I know that thoughts jump into my head and I haven’t the faintest idea of how to make them go away once they’re there. I think judgmental thoughts about people I’ve just met. I am not a very nice person inside. A lot of my kindness is merely tolerance masked. Can I actually change that? Could I alter my very thoughts before I’ve thought them?

Can you strip the leopard of his spots? Morph them into stripes instead? Or is a leopard always spotted, no matter how hard she tries not to be?

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Progress

I missed posting yesterday, but I think I’m okay with that. I’ve decided that I’m not going to try and fulfill the lofty targets of NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo, but that I’m going to make it my goal to do a little each day.

I will try to blog every day, but if I don’t make it, that’s okay, too. I’m going to try to write a little every day, but if I don’t hit the daily target of 1,667 words, well, that’s okay, too.

I’m about a measly four pages into my novel, but ya know what? It’s four pages more than what I’ve had in the last year that I’ve had this plot running around in my head and that… that is progress.

I haven’t blogged every day this month, but I’ve blogged four times which is four more times than I blogged in October so again, we have progress.

Really, need I ask for more? Baby steps. Baby steps.

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And Then I Was 30

I have to admit, a large part of me was looking forward to turning 30. I was excited about a new decade. I was looking forward to being taken seriously now that I was no longer a twenty-something.

And then I woke up on August 5th and realized, hey, I’m 30 years old. The harsh reality of what being 30 means rolled in and I was a miserable grouch for the entire day.

I was mad. I was mad that I’ve made it to 30 and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. I was mad that I still work entry level in a job where I can’t even get a single weekend off through the summer and that I’ll have to put in ten years before I can get Monday through Friday and daytime hours. In ten years, Ana will be 13 and she won’t really much care if I finally have weekends off to spend with her and her dad, now will she?

I was furious that I weigh the same number that I did last year. And the year before. I’ll have to write up an entire post about my food struggles one of these days, as fascinating as it is to NOBODY except myself.

I guess I just hit 30 hard. I feel like I’m in the exact same place that I was a decade ago and, quite frankly, that’s damn depressing.

I’m still mad. I feel a lot like I’m drowning.

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Everybody Should Read This

Full credit to whatever, etc for this. I’ve copied it word for word from her blog. I did not write any of it myself. (Here’s hoping she’s not mad that I stole it). I think it’s important that everybody see this and rethink what happens too much of the time when a woman tries to report a rape.

A Modern Sexual-Assault Tale

Man:
Hello, I’d like to report a mugging.
Officer:
A mugging, eh? Where did it take place?
Man:
I was walking by 21st and Dundritch Street and a man pulled out a gun and said, “Give me all your money.”
Officer:
And did you?
Man:
Yes, I co-operated.
Officer:
So you willingly gave the man your money without fighting back, calling for help or trying to escape?
Man:
Well, yes, but I was terrified. I thought he was going to kill me!
Officer:
Mmm. But you did co-operate with him. And I’ve been informed that you’re quite a philanthropist, too.
Man:
I give to charity, yes.
Officer:
So you like to give money away. You make a habit of giving money away.
Man:
What does that have to do with this situation?
Officer:
You knowingly walked down Dundritch Street in your suit when everyone knows you like to give away money, and then you didn’t fight back. It sounds like you gave money to someone, but now you’re having after-donation regret. Tell me, do you really want to ruin his life because of your mistake?
Man:
This is ridiculous!
Officer:
This is a rape analogy. This is what women face every single day when they try to bring their rapists to justice.
Man:
Fuck the patriarchy.
Officer:
             Word.
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You Know You’re Tired When…

… you come home from work to realize that you put the carrot sticks away in the freezer.

… you go to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer, put the dryer sheet in and then turn on… the washer. Which has no clothes in it.

… you drive right on past where you pick your daughter up from daycare nearly every. single. day.

All things that I’ve done in the last week.

Me thinks I need some sleep.

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